Rags and Scribbles

moved on indefinitely

2010-03-23T16:37:00.000-07:00

I've grown out of this little place.

I may or may not ever be back, we'll see. But for now I'm leaving this as it is.

Thanks to all who read.

peace & love,

Angela

p.s. I am leaving you these hippies and this cow-horse to ponder in my absence.

tumbling

2010-02-18T12:59:00.000-08:00

I'm doing it.

serpiente-elefante.tumblr.com

Dear Mr. Howard Zinn and Mr. J.D. Salinger

2010-02-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

Each of you contributed to my intellectual growth in ways only you could have.

Thank you for adding your beauty to the world, thank you for sharing yourselves with us while you were here.

Dear Mr. McQueen

2010-02-11T10:23:00.000-08:00

I hope with all my heart you are in a happier, more peaceful place now.

Thank you for giving us so much beauty while you were here.

so there's snow when I want summer

2010-02-11T06:32:00.000-08:00

And everyone is pissing me off. Nothing seems to be working out for this coming semester, and I am more than slightly annoyed. Fucking spanish school system, fucking controlling Au Pair mother, fucking snow, fucking schedules, fucking everything. Even the weather is pissing me off.

I just want to wear tiny shorts and cut off shirts and lots of beads and nothing else.

via tobaccoandleather

estamos cambiando

2010-02-09T12:36:00.000-08:00

Doing this as soon as I can get my hands on some pink hair dye. Any recommendations?

after the apocalypse

2010-02-04T06:34:00.000-08:00

I was thinking today about what I would wear after the apocalypse (actually that's less likely than a third world war, or chronic global environmental change, or the depletion of natural resources, or, or, or) and was simultaneously preemptively feeling thankful that I know how to garden, and sew, and knit, and spin yarn, and do a multitude of other completely useful things.

After the world has come to an end I envision myself in draped black materials paired with heavy leathers- sort of bike-gang tough mixed with dark enchantress. I'm thinking swaths of soft but durable blacks and greys, with a good amount of leather and metal thrown in in forms of pants, jackets, and embellishments. I also think that in a post-apocalyptic world the sort of clothing you'd need would have to have lots of secret pockets, so the draping would be very useful for little hidden compartments.

I did some sketches, because I was bored and sketching sounded like fun:

And then I got dressed in this:

I really wish I had more skill with a camera, because I promise this looks way better in person. The scarf/hood thing is all drapey and looks sweet, but in the photos it's scheiße and you can't see any detail. Oh well.

I've also been thinking about how to incorporate more dramatic shapes into what I wear, and I like how this really boring sweater worn upside down gets all boxy and draped at the same time.

p.s. thankxxx everyone for the comments on the last post, I sometimes just need to vent, and if I'm gonna do it anyway, why not do it here?

Raquel + Pugh + Gaga

2010-02-04T03:26:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD. AMAZING.

watch: the process & the performance

(scroll down the page to see where to watch the process)

pure fucking genius.

on toughening up and pointlessness

2010-02-02T15:47:00.000-08:00

There's been these discussions in my life lately of how pointless fashion blogs/my blog/blogs are in general, and for some reason it's really gotten under my skin. Not sure why, but there you go. The conclusions that I have come to from those musings are these: I need to get a thicker skin, and not give a damn what people think; and yes, they/you are right, my blog is completely and totally pointless.

But I really don't care, because I like it. I like looking at the pictures I've posted, I like posting new pictures, I like writing about silly bullshit like my emotions, I like reading some responses that I get. I guess I've realized that this is more a place for me to document my own compilations of things that inspire/interest/bother/gross me out, so that I can see them in a nice pretty row. I like that. I like seeing that I have readers too, because it fuels the narcissistic delusion that complete strangers give a fuck about what I think is aesthetically pleasing/what I look like/my emotions.

The boyfriend thinks the blog world is creepy. I sort of think so too. It's like we're all either lonely and unsatisfied with our real lives so we have to create this fantasy world of web friends and a cyber personality, or we want to feel famous and known for something. I may or may not feel either of these ways. I think what I want is to project my thoughts and musings into the world and have people listen to them, and pay attention. Of course, not many people do, and for that I am thankful. If they did I would feel self inflated and grandiose. At the same time I am like, fuck you, look at me! I'm just as awesome as all these other people in the world! So I guess that's why I still have this blog, and still post these posts.

The point of this story is, I need to get the fuck over myself, and learn to deal with the haters. If you enjoy my blog, good, I am happy that some part of me can make some part of you think, or be inspired, or even continue your comatose addiction to the streams of repetitive "fashion" blogs suffocating our cyberspaces. If you don't like my blog, me da igual, I don't give a shit, if you don't like it, don't look at it. And, in all honestly, my blog has no content of importance, but I don't give a damn, I am going to keep on writing like I'm writing, and picking photos that I like, and posting here, because I like playing with the narcissist in me.

And to top off this post, here is an unintentionally brooding photo of me in a bathtub, with a french beer.

teensy tiny

2010-02-01T14:04:00.000-08:00

I really appreciate this.

via motley photos

a blog full of no content

2010-01-31T14:47:00.000-08:00

And so many thoughts swirling around in my head. Thinking about things that have been said to me, people that I've seen, cruel words, kind words, questions, aspirations, commitments, failures, what it is that I really want.

Maybe I am not focused enough, maybe I want more solidity in my life. I am feeling (again) like I want to start my own life, I want my own apartment and my own garden and my own kitty and my own lover, I want to make things with my hands, to feel grounded and content, to feel like I have an anchor to my life, to not feel like a child, depending on other people any more.

But at the same time I am so happy with what I have here, Spain, my ever increasing and improving Spanish, the friends I have made that I will have for forever, the freedom, the carelessness of being almost 21 and sexy. The growing realization that it is incredibly true that the more I see, the less I know. I am yearning, yet again, for what I do not have, and I am forgetting to step back and survey all that I do have. What I have is a brain in my head, muscles in my body, and a heart in my chest, and soles on my feet, and with these things I am content.

I will always strive, for one thing or for another, but right now, what needs to be striven for is the nourishing of that peace that is found in the nooks and crannies of my body, the recesses and labyrinths of my soul, the steady beating of my heart, because fear is taking over me, and this I cannot tolerate.

...you should go read apricot tea...

when internetz are not to be found...

2010-01-30T02:33:00.000-08:00

...I photoshop lame things like this:

I actually really really suck at using photoshop, even after having a class on how to use it.

I bought a dress yesterday from Mango for $even euros (whooo rebajas!!) which somehow reminds me of this type of galaxy photo, even though it's like faded blue stretchy material, which actually should probably remind me of the 90's rather than stars. Whatever.

On an unrelated note, I think you should go check out ALEX'S BLOG, because he has a funny question posted, and you should comment on it, because I want to know what you think too. Oh kay? Oh kay.

EDIT: I am fully HTML/computer/technology retarded, I just figured out how to make my images bigger when I post, and it made me really giddy and happy for a second, before I realized that in fact I am retarded for not figuring this out earlier. Whoopsy. Anyway, enjoy.

I want summer & pink hair

2010-01-27T02:15:00.000-08:00

this photo has nothing to do with anything, other than the fact that I like it, and would wear that outfit. summer please? also, I found it saved on my computer, so if you know the credits tellllll me.

It always ends up that I have some great idea, like dying my hair light light light pink, or cutting it into a teensy little pixie cut, but am too scared to do it at first. Then, wouldn't you know, that very trend shows up in magazines, and blogs, and runways, and is 'so trendy', and then I don't want to do it because I don't want to follow mofuckin' trends. BUT I still cut my hair into a teensy pixie cut like 2 years ago or whatever, and now I think I may as well dye my hair pink. I mean, I always talk about doing shit for like 3 years before doing it, so maybe I should wait another year, until the trends have died down, and then do it? Anyway, all of this silly muttering is completely unnecessary, I am just the most indecisive person in the universe, as Alex knows.

On an unrelated note, I miss writing on this bloggifer, don't you miss reading my pointless ramblings?

oh yeah hell yeah

2010-01-26T06:12:00.000-08:00

I want black-magenta lips.

via cosmic dust

a woman who kicks the ass of all other women

2010-01-25T03:35:00.000-08:00

my momma, when she was 18, walking across the USA in the name of the environment and native peoples.

my mother is (one of) the strongest, most peaceful, adventurous, hippyest, lovingest, best women I have ever known. Thank you momma, for being who you are, and making me who I am.

killing it

2010-01-25T00:27:00.000-08:00

the sartorialist seems to be killing it lately, in the best way possible. usually I am not a huge fan of the style of outfits he shoots, but there are some badass looks from milano right now. I sorta want to wear this outfit while simultaneously marrying this guy, while he's wearing this outfit. sexy sexy italians.

fridaze

2010-01-22T05:59:00.001-08:00

yes please

2010-01-21T06:32:00.000-08:00

let's go get our nipples pierced.

via.

wearing black&causing trouble

2010-01-19T13:59:00.000-08:00

it's the only thing i've been doing lately.

via.

i like your body girl

2010-01-17T14:27:00.000-08:00

I want to be this chick. She's got it goin onnn.

via fatale femmes

i need this

2010-01-14T14:04:00.001-08:00

(.)

seriously guys, i need this ring. fuck. first i need a job. or donations. hahaa.

'nuther fucking level

2010-01-13T15:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Cami and Nadia,

Why do you have to be so fucking cool? To say I am jealous of you would be an understatement and also creepily fangirlish, so I'm not going to say anything. I'm just wondering, where did you get your badassness? I would like some of it, and also those red boots with the huge wedge and heel. While you're at it, can I have some of the clothes you make/have? I'll model them for free, or something. This letter is now verging on the unbearably creepy, so I'm done.

Peace,

Creepy Fangirl

your perspective is boring me

2010-01-12T12:29:00.001-08:00

just the right amount of weird.

he ido marcando de cruces de fuego

2010-01-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

(.)

I wonder at what time of year would be the most comfortable to wear this outfit.

Can't wait til my hair is this long, and at the same time want to chop it all off again.

I'm longing for something new, another addition to the chaos of who I already am.

happy christmas

2009-12-24T08:37:00.000-08:00

...germany is beautiful at christmas time...

♥ sending love ♥

apologies, apologies

2009-12-17T07:58:00.000-08:00

Hi loves.

I am sorry for being gone for so long. All of the technology in my life decided to die...but now I am in Germany, and using lover's computer, and happy, happy, happy.

It was lover's birthday yesterday and today we are having a party tonight, so I have to go start cooking chocolate cakes and yummy things like that, but I'll leave you with these pretty little things, that I want to wear...

If only it would snow...

2009-11-29T13:18:00.000-08:00

(.)

please?

fucking and punching

2009-11-26T12:26:00.000-08:00

It's getting to be the time of year when I start making christmas presents. But this year I have a major ass problem. I have nothing to cut up, knit, embroider, sew, destroy, remake, or rip to shreds. I don't even have any old clothes I can use to create other things with. AND I only have in my possesion ONE magazine. One measly magazine.

I am going crazy.

So I have been drawing a lot of pictures (luckily I have pastels, colored pencils, my sharpie collection, and some gold paint- but I want to do so many more things!!!!!)

I mean, I would just go out and buy the necessary materials, minus the fact that buying things usually means that money has to be spent, of which I have very little, and also, I have everything I need at home...which is a million miles away. And I am sure my mom has had enough of sending large packages to me containing things like my faux fur coat, and socks, and a fur hat...she probably wouldn't appreciate having to send me a box of things like old material scraps, cotton stuffing, and embroidery floss.

So I am entreating you all, if you have old things that you do not want- material scraps, old ugly (0r non ugly) jewelry, zippers, safety pins, clothes you want no more of, beads and baubles you'll never use, worn out tshirts, ancient magazines...anything- please mail them to me, and I will make something out of them (or try) and post pictures here. Email me if you're interested in pawning off your useless crap. Because I'm really fucking interested in your useless crap.

PEACE and LOVE and HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all. Too bad they don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Spain...

photos come from here

Runaway

2009-11-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

sometimes I wish I were born in another era.

foto from mystic lady

Dirt and grime

2009-11-19T12:20:00.000-08:00

Jamie Dornan in Vogue Hommes International found via another of my favorite blogs evvvver, rackkandruin.

I love the destructiveness of this shoot. It's like, hey guys, let's get dressed up in designer clothes and then go fuck em all up!!!! Love, pure love.

Oh hey cutie-pie

2009-11-17T02:27:00.000-08:00

this man is a kindergarten teacher.

probably the cutest one alive.

foto via copenhagen street style

also, I ♥ owl and the grapes and dress up in you. click to them.

Vodka and cigarettes

2009-11-16T14:57:00.000-08:00

I hate it when guys shave their pubic hair.

these photos are from here.

...which is still one of my favorite blogs ever...

Kitty cat

2009-11-11T15:06:00.001-08:00

Love, love, overload

2009-11-11T14:16:00.000-08:00

Romance by Chris Craymer.

Makes me want a house and a bed with my lover.

Makes me want my lover.

Re-do

2009-11-10T12:48:00.000-08:00

opium den

2009-11-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

(.)

Feeling feelings

2009-11-04T13:37:00.000-08:00

(.)

Today I realized that there are so many people in the world who could love me.

Today I realized that there are so many people in the world who I could love.

Today I realized who I want to be.

Today I realized that I am she.

Today I realized who I am, and where I want to go.

Today I realized that I am where I should be.

Today I realized what I want to do.

And today I'm doing exactly that.

Please tell me you know how it feels to solidly know even the tiniest glimpse of what your purpose is, as vague as that purpose and glimpse may be.

Oh you girls never know how you make the boys feel

2009-10-25T12:52:00.000-07:00

I just feel like dancing right now!

I had a wonderful weekend in Madrid, and I feel like this week is going to be a good one... and Barcelona and my best friend in the world on Friday!

peace and love, pretties.

p.s. The movie 9 songs is intense. And by intense I mean full of real sex. I sort of love it.

a declaration

2009-10-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

(a sign I hung on my wall, to remind me every morning that I am living)

Inspired entirely by Sara

I am a dreamer, a weaver of light and words, I am a creator, a destroyer, I am my own god(dess). I am a lover, I am a hater. I am someone for whom openness is a necessity, and for whom openness is a task of unthinkable weight and difficulty. I am a conundrum. I am emotional and stoic, I am individual. I am individual but I am, in my entirety, a product. I am afraid. I am more brave than words can ever say. I am forgiving, but I can't always forget. I am uncomfortable being me sometimes, most of the time I revel in it.

I am twenty years old. I am entirely young, I am as old as the sky. I am living my life to my standards, not yours. I respect the years I've lived, and I regret nothing. I am afraid of death. I am disillusioned with my peers, disillusioned with my government, and disillusioned with the illusions of this world. But I am hopeful. I want more than to be a nameless face in a sea of nameless faces. I want to create ripples in the time I have on this earth, which is short. I want to change people and things. I want to love more openly, I want to communicate more freely, I want to be myself more fully. I want to learn all I can, teach all I can, share and give all I can. I want to see everything. I may never get another chance to see this world. I want to expand my horizons of thought. I want to be remembered.

Money makes me cringe. Money also makes me think. Money makes the world go round, they say. I say it's not money but love that makes the world go round. Money convolutes things. Money is power, and I reject that. I am a rebel, and I have my causes.

I am the daughter of polar opposites, and thus I have no middle. I am the direct product of two immensely strong, and flawed individuals, and the indirect product of everyone I've ever known. I am the product of a bad school system, a group of phenomenal teachers, a rejected religious experience. I am completely and entirely me.

I am more than the pale color of my skin in winter, more than the gold of it in summer. I am more than the blue of my eyes and brown of my hair, I am more than the five feet nine inches at which I stand when I am in bare feet. I am more than my body, more than I appear, however I love this body I am. I am a beautiful body of light and dark and wisdom and foolishness, experience and naïveté. I am fluid, like a body of water, reflecting some things, absorbing others.

I am purely and totally me, which may or may not be composed of parts of you.

(.)

Lingerie and kitty cats

2009-10-20T04:02:00.001-07:00

I want to buy pretty panties after looking at this photostream.

German Lovers

2009-10-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

Next time I see my not-so-German lover I want him to dress like the boy, and I will dress like the girl. And I want to frolic.

I love this editorial. But I hate Teen Vogue. Interning for them ruined my illusions of the fashion world forever. Condé Nast can also go suck a dick, but that's another rant for another day.

I miss you

2009-10-16T02:46:00.001-07:00

Dearest readers,

I miss you.

Come back? I promise I'll be a better blogger.

I'll even write impassioned rants about things I love and things I hate again.

How can I win you over again?

With love,

Angela

(.)

black dirt will stain your feet

2009-10-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

I am back in Spain, missing my lover so much, drinking lots of tea, drawing pictures, and thinking about tattoos.

photos from we ♥ it

peace and love.

hugs and kisses

2009-10-02T03:51:00.001-07:00

This is how the next nine days are going to be spent:

I am too excited for words.

¡Adiós España, hola Alemania!

♥ ♥ ♥

It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out

2009-10-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

This is what my life looks like right now. Spain is beautiful.

I am going to Germany tomorrow to spend ten (!!!) amazing beautiful wonderful sweet days with my boy (!!!!!!). I am so so excited.

☮ and ♥

Lately,

2009-09-30T06:35:00.000-07:00

lately I've been thinking about responsibility, teaching history, changing the world, changing lives, the changing leaves, seeing my lover, drinking wine in france and germany, respecting the earth, intense beauty, native americans, research, turquoise, happiness, loneliness, confusion, learning.

Hello, pretty

2009-09-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

from wetbehindtheears

I especially love the first one.

I want to be a hippie with a pretty little teepee

2009-09-21T02:52:00.000-07:00

not really sure where these come from...I had them all saved on my computer. I guess I'm serious about this hippie bullshit, I just bought a pretty vintage hippie skirt (one of the long long ones) on etsy. dios mío.

on a tangental note, fashion week(s) make me want to kill people, and so does erin wasson. shut the fuck up about her already.

also, sarah palin (the fucking cunt) looks shockingly similar to my stepmother, leading me to believe that inherently evil people all look the same.

but anyway, ☮ & ♥

Autumn

2009-09-21T01:07:00.000-07:00

(from here, which is a fucking sweet blog)

This is still one of my favorite spreads of all time

I'm digging all of this.

☮ & ♥

Beads and Baubles

2009-09-17T03:21:00.000-07:00

you gypsy girl

swaying and swirling,

you gypsy girl

bending and bowing

you gypsy girl

tempting and twirling...

Sad, I cannot dance with you,

today or any other.

(I found this blog today, and it's next to Rackk and Ruin in wonderfulness. Most of the photos are from there, though a few are from we ♥ it. This is interesting.)

This post will make up for all the posts I never published

2009-09-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

Inspiration! I'm finding it again!!!!!!!!

I seriously just browsed Rackk and Ruin for like, 4 hours straight, and fuck me, that's the most brilliant blog ever. Why did I not find it before? She's seriously got the best compilation of photos I've seen...ever.

Now. Photos. I've been collecting piles of them all over my desktop for the past few days, with no regards to where I found them...

love.

headband.

ummm vajay?!!? fucking sweet

hippie skirts and naked men. yesplease.

i want to be a gypsy. PERIOD. 'specially if being a gypsy looks like this...

seriously feasible outfit.

sexy.man. sexy man.

makeup.

grunge. me gusta.

a god's orgasm = feathers + kate

contrasts.

hair! dress!!! shoes!!!!!!

gorgeous men wearing ludicrous things.

pretty.

comfy.

sexy.

eerie.

might have to try this gold pants thing...

yum. remember this? so. good.

Lovers

2009-08-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

This has been my life of late:

speaking terrible spanish in Burgos

having amazingly curly hair in Brighton

Drunken nights in Dublin and Brighton and Camden Town

And wearing this same outfit over and over and over again.

Sorry for the absence my dears. Tell me of your lives please!

♥

I want cupcakes

2009-08-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

I'm going to go home from work today and make cupcakes.

It's been way too long.

Away we go

2009-08-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

(.)

So I'm packing for my year* long adventure in Europe, and I'm so at a loss as to what to bring.

I mean, I'm trying to pack an entire year's worth of clothes into a (huge) backpack, and a (tiny) rolling suitcase.

I know I should only bring the bare minimum-the necessities, you know, but fuck, is a faux fur coat not a necessity?

Plus, where the hell am I going to put my shoes?

To increase the dilemma, I'm planning to spend precisely 24 days working on an organic farm...so that means I have to bring work clothes....

I have a feeling that I'm going to end up like this girl...

*year long is tentatively hopeful, I'm planning on being an Au Pair in Spain for at least six months, hopefully nine...then I want to travel all over Europe until my bank account says "no more!!"

I ♥ tattoos

2009-07-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

(.)

(that's my avocado tattoo)

(.)

Too bad I don't have any extra money because I would be getting so many more...

2009-06-16T13:39:00.001-07:00

(I've forgotten where I found this one...I think we heart it- if you know who it's by please tell me so I can credit them!)

Wouldn't it be strange if all of humanity was just a tiny blip in the existence of the universe?

(.)

We think of humanity as extending on into the unforeseeable future, but isn't it more likely that it will all end sometime rather soon?

(.)

I wonder if anything will remember us.

If they do, what what they will remember.

(.)

I hope humanity isn't only remembered for our destruction, if we're remembered for anything at all.

(.)

I hope some residue of the beauty of humanity is left after we are all gone.

Artlab: Highly inspirational, slightly disturbing

2009-06-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

I had never checked out artlab's Etsy until tonight, even though Queen Michelle has extolled their virtues at least a couple of times. So in my bored trolling of Etsy I stumbled upon Patricia Ayres's shop, and, as I said in the title, I find her work quite inspiring and just a little macabre.

The best fashion designers are ones that can tell a story with a garment. In my opinion many of these pieces- the ones that tell a story- are so much more powerful than trends. I don't think these pieces necessarily need to be flattering- I think if a human being feels a connection to a piece of clothing that tells a story, they should wear it, whether it looks 'good' on them or not.

Patricia's designs, to me, invoke a sort of feeling of age, of eras long past mixed with fetishes of today, and of loss, or rather a certain sense of despair and desperateness, as well as just a hint of the fear that so many people feel when thinking about the idea of insanity.

Take the Hospital Dress for example:

The description reads "Stained dress made from raw material with bruise and text from mental hospital"

I read that and was thoroughly (though happily) creeped out.

I am not usually one to like things that make me uncomfortable, and things that creep me out generally make me uncomfortable. But Patricia mixes enough pretty into her designs to make me relish the odd, slightly startling aspects of each piece.

I love how she mixes textures, and deconstruction with construction, and how she shapes the material with unordinary cuts, and by stuffing and ruffling it into fantastic shapes.

In summary, if you haven't looked at her website and Etsy, you should.

Obsessed

2009-05-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

(.)

I am fucking obsessed about Lady Gaga. Fucking obsessed.

Everything about her totally appeals to me; her shiny shiny pants, her crazy headdresses, her attitude towards her music, her fucking crazyness.

(.)

She really makes me want to be totally slapdash glam.

Which is entirely possible, I mean, she glued sequins and sparkles onto $3 dollar bras and called it good- even I can do that shit.

(.)

Anyway.

I fucking love her and am sortofreally jealous of her life.

Long Distance Call

2009-05-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your wonderful words.

You really encouraged me, and things are looking much better now.

I have been enjoying sunshine, and friends, and loves, and listening to electronica and reggae really loudly in the car with the windows down on the way to parties and picnics.

Parties that look like this:

And picnics that look like this:

All I want now is for it to be summer, and to be dressed in this outfit:

Fuck Mondays

2009-05-04T12:16:00.000-07:00

(all I am wanting is for my life to be as free and easy as this picture...)

There is a lot of shitty, shitty shit going on in my life right now.

And it's Monday, and it's all piling up on me.

I'm mad, and frustrated, and scared, and I need another fucking job.

I am panicking.

I'm moving to Europe in less than four months and I have a fraction of the money that I need in order for me not to die the second I get there...

UGH.

FUCK.

It's also killing me that my boy and I have less than four months to be together. Who knows if we'll decide to try a long distance relationship (between Germany and Scotland) or if we'll just call it quits in the end of August. But right now it doesn't matter in the least, it just breaks my heart to know that we have an end date- that we don't have forever to have what we have right now.

Sorry to rant....but I miss you guys and I need some words from you all.

2009-04-27T10:31:00.001-07:00

I just turned 20 two weeks ago, and I have never felt more unsure and lost in my life.

I'm usually so determined, but now I feel as if I'm floating.

Drifting without aim.

(.)

I cannot be decisive about my future,

I cannot even be decisive about my present.

I am frustrated.

I feel weak.

(.)

But I'm happy too.

It's confusing, conflicting, infuriating.

Perhaps there is just a time to be indecisive, perhaps I am just learning more about myself...

(.)

Things that I would never know were it not for this sort of time.

Perhaps it won't last, although it feels like forever in both directions....

Sun

2009-04-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

(.)

It's the first really truly hot and sunny day of spring today.

(.)

I'm sure it's going to get rainy again- this is Oregon after all- but today is just glorious!

(.)

I cannot wait for summer.

(.)

This summer is going to be so good.

(.)

So, so good.

(.)

Party and Bullshit

2009-04-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

Usually when I get emails from companies saying that they just loooove my blog I just delete them, because I'm really not interested in advertising for anyone, and I really am not into the whole consume consume consume thing, but today I got a sweet email from loyale, saying that they thought that I (and my readers!) might be interested in their awesome eco-friendly fashion.

This is who they are:

loyale is a fashion-forward, sustainable clothing company that aims to make the simple act of getting dressed in the morning world

changing. in 2005, Jenny Hwa founded loyale to provide eco-chic apparel for women who are equally conscious about fashion as they

are about the environment. the intention of loyale is to inspire activism by designing stylish clothing that is crafted exclusively using sustainable fabrics and to create a shift in consciousness where commerce and compassion for the planet can coexist.

Pretty fucking sweet, no?

And the clothes are pretty and comfy looking.

They're way out of my price range, buuuuuuuuut the sweeties there said this in their email "On April 22nd, we plan on offering 25% off our site in celebration of Earth Day - we would be happy to extend this deal to your readers."

Also pretty fucking sweet.

Warm sunshine

2009-04-06T12:27:00.001-07:00

(.)

Hello my lovelies.

It's feeling springtimey here, and I am so so happy.

Yesterday I spent all day with my best friend and my boy, drinking champagne and eating strawberries and playing in the park and putting flowers in my hair.

It was wonderfully lovely.

And today it's just as beautiful. I just wish I was in a swing in a tree rather than at a desk in an office...

Pause

2009-03-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

(photo from weheartit.com)

My life of late got much more complicated than I need it to be, so I may not be around for a bit...

I am very sorry that my blogging has been so inconsistent lately, and I know that it will get worse in the next couple of weeks/months due to some things that have just happened.

I love you all though, and I will try to do a post now and then- I just need a bit of a break.

♥

angela

♥

2009-03-16T21:04:00.001-07:00

I am so happy that I have someone to kiss and hold on to.

(all photos from here)

Long time gone

2009-03-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

First of all, sorry for my extended absence again. My life outside of the computer has been distracting me from my life inside of the computer, and I sort of like it like that...but I do miss you all so.

The other day I was feeling incredibly uninspired, drab, and rather boring and while checking my blog comments I stumbled across Sparkles and Crumbs, by the most deliciously inspiring Pixie July. She awoke all the latent inspiration in me, and made me want to dress like a ringmaster in a circus. I love her, and now she has given me a lovely tag to do.

It is called the Show Your Heart tag, and here is what it is:

With as much creativity as you can muster, show your heart in:

1 picture

1 poem

1 song or piece of music

1 phrase or quote

1 item of clothing

1 place

[And just for fun-] 1 Disney princess!

My heart changes all the time, so this is just what it looks like today:

1 picture:

(.)

1 poem:

I'm feeling once again that it's time to reinvent myself.

The seasons are changing,

my feelings are changing.

I'm feeling that it's time to paint myself, bejewel myself, change myself.

What I am is changing,

what I love is changing.

I'm feeling this change, and it makes me want to cry,

but it also makes me want to unfurl myself from the cocoon that is me now,

emerging new and fresh and different,

and maybe more or maybe less beautiful.

-by me

1 song:

Blue are the shy little violets hiding,

Blue the great sky where the skylarks go gliding,

Come let us sing now

All in a ring now

Joyful our song as we welcome the spring.

White is the fleece of the lambs in the morning,

White are the soft little clouds that are soaring,

Golden the daffodil, golden the columbine

Golden the light at the dawning of spring

-part of a waldorf song

(.)

1 phrase or quote:

It won't last forever.

1 item of clothing:

cut off levi's jean shorts.

1 place:

in my boy's bed with him.

(.)

1 Disney Princess:

Rapunzel, but not the Disney one...the Grimm's Brothers fairytale one.

I'm giving this tag to Jess, Chelsea Jade, Indie.Tea, Teabagstains, and Silverwings.

I was also given this award from Mila (who I love love love love!):

And I'm giving it to every single one of my readers, because I LOVE you!

♥ ♥ ♥

Blood stops flowing

2009-03-01T20:00:00.000-08:00

I am ready for spring.

(.)

I am ready for little tiny light dresses made out of chiffon.

I am ready for jean shorts and daisy chains in my hair.

I am ready to sit outside with bare feet and my friends.

I am ready for hot days and warm nights and sleeping with only the sheets on the bed.

(.)

I am ready for sunglasses and freckled noses.

I am ready for bare legs and swimsuit tops.

I am ready for sunshine and warm breeze.

I am ready for laying in tall grass and looking at the stars.

I am ready for midnight swims and gin and tonics at 3am.

I am ready for live music and dust and camp outs.

(.)

I am ready for summer.

I dreamt about snakes last night

2009-02-25T10:45:00.000-08:00

I think it's funny that when I am content with my life I have less to say.

Less inspiration, almost.

Less need to find catharsis, less emotional outpouring.

I sort of miss the angst that forced so much beauty out of myself.

But on the other hand, I sort of like being content.

I think that's it, contentment breeds sedation.

Isn't that funny?

We look for contentment in everything, and when we find it, we find that it makes us sedentary, lazy, and then we realize that the looking for it was really the point, the act of searching, the scouring and seeking the real adventure.

Being content is boring.

So now I am going to have an adventure, and find excitement, because excitement is not contentment, and excitement is not boring.

photos from here

On a side note, isn't Tim Walker fucking brilliant?? He's the one fashion photographer that consistently reminds me that fashion (please note that I am talking about the fashion industry, and 'fashion', which I differentiate greatly from style, dressing, and the use of clothing as a form of self expression) can be amazing. I've done a pretty drastic 180 in terms of how I regard fashion within the last year - going from wanting to work in that industry, to thinking that the industry is basically a capitalistic, consumeristic game for the rich, played by the rich. Tim's photography, however, reminds me that even if the fashion industry is a shallow cesspool of upper class elitists there is still art to be found there, and a beautiful sense of expression that is eloquently stated by finely crafted clothing.

Plus, disregarding the clothing he does or doesn't use, he takes fucking incredible photos.

Moustaches

2009-02-24T10:52:00.000-08:00

(.)

Do you ever look at things you've done in the past and realize just how unhealthy and fucked up they were?

(.)

Do you ever wonder if what you are doing right at this second will be something you regret in the future?

(.)

Do you ever wonder why people procrastinate so much?

(.)

Do you ever wonder which road is the less travelled one?

(.)

Do you ever wonder what the people in your life would say if you completely reinvented yourself?

(.)

...I stayed up til 3am making myself a pair of rodarte tights. I'll show them to you soon...

Though in this life we may struggle, there ain't no reason to fight

2009-02-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hello lovelies! I hope valentine's day was wonderful and full of hearts and kisses for all of you.

Now. Business.

I've been given a lot of tags recently, so here goes!

Mila gave this to anyone and everyone...

...and I give it to anyone and everyone too!

She also tagged me with this...

Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: tag—eight other un-tagged people.

///

What are you wearing now? Jeans, a t-shirt cut into a tank top, and a sweatshirt borrowed from my boy.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? The Book of Other People edited and compiled by Zadie Smith.

Do you nap a lot? Some days.

Who was the last person you hugged? My momma.

What’s your current obsession/addiction? Michael Franti, hippies, peace, love, bluegrass music, burlesque, and ritter sport chocolates.

Which item from your closet are you wearing most lately? My huge huge grey sweater that I blogged about a few posts ago.

What's for dinner? Pumpkin pound cake and a glass of milk.

What was the last thing you bought? A corset.

What are you listening to right now? Get with it! by Fruition

If you could have any super power, what would it be? The ability to fly. That would kick ass.

What is your favorite weather, and why? The kind of weather that is in the late spring and early summer- hot, but not too hot, dry, but not parched, and sunny...

What time do you usually get up? Depends!

What is your most challenging goal right now? To organize my life, and to keep my priorities straight.

Say something to the person who tagged you: I love you, I love you, I love you. You have brightened my life in so many ways!!

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? Oh god...Maybe Germany, maybe England...I have not been to enough places to choose yet!

Favorite vacation spot? So far...Northern Italy. Or maybe Germany. I don't know.

What is your favorite item of clothing? My big fat huge grey sweater that I did a post on a little while ago, and a pair of red Calvin Klein underwear that look sort of like boy underwear.

Favorite pair of shoes you keep going back to over and over, even though your closet is overflowing with a zillion others: My ratty, broken, beat up, cheapo brown slouchy boots.

Name one thing you cannot live without: Oxygen.

What time is bed time? Whenever I'm sleepy.

If you could wake up anywhere tomorrow morning, where would it be? Somewhere warm and sunny, with this boy that I really like waking up next to.

///

Next, Micaela has given me this tag...

You have to make a poem that incorporates a word that starts with the second letter of your last name. Like, the second letter of my last name is h, so I will now come up with a short poem that incorporates a word that starts with h...

I'm stuck.

This poem's not coming out.

The words are glued to the inside of my head.

They're staying there, glued, dried, unable to be unleashed.

I'm trying to pick them up, pry them off,

but they're stuck.

I'm stuck.

///

And next, Penny tagged me with this...

///

Describe your style: Different every day. An outward expression of who I innately am.

What are the staples in your wardrobe? Black tights and shiny black leggings, big sweaters, tunic shirts, and slips.

What is your signature look? It changes, but this winter it's been tights or leggings, a bandage skirt and tunic/baggy shirt, a couple of big layered slouchy sweaters, a slouchy hat, and boots.

What inspires you? Music, photographs, art, keeping my eyes open.

Who is your fashion muse? Myself.

Favourite purchase of all time? Who fucking knows... although I do love have a pair of 5 inch suede, slingback platforms that I got for 3o dollars which I LOVE.

Biggest splurge? Definitely my Burberry London perfume I bought this summer...

What's your beauty routine? I wash my face in the morning and at night with hand soap, and use lubriderm unscented lotion to moisturize. I'm pretty low key. And makeup wise it always depends.

What jewellery do you never take off? I take off all my jewelry at some point or another, but I always put my huge ass rings back on, and my little tiny ivory skull necklace.

What are you wishing for? Right this second? Summer. Summer summer summer.

What are your obsessions? Music, creating, exploring, adventuring, discovering, dancing, loving.

///

I'm tagging Jess, HRose, notebook doodles, Laura, the girls at Save Our Shoes, and Lottie to do any of these three tags that they would like.

I love you!

♥♥♥

I'm burning up

2009-02-09T23:54:00.000-08:00

(.)

I've begun to dance burlesque.

It's one of the most fun things I've ever done, plus I get to wear amazing lingerie like Dita and Maggie.

I'm in a class right now, and our first performance is in March- I can't wait!

Kisses

2009-02-04T14:43:00.000-08:00

I love Valentine's Day.

(.)

Not because it has gooey romantic feelings at all- in fact, I don't remember a single Valentine's day where I did anything special with any significant boy in my life- I love it because it's one of the only holidays that still has it's own special feeling, a feeling that's been the same since I was a very little girl.

(.)

For me Christmas has lost its feeling, Halloween has lost its feeling, New Years has lost it's feeling, but Valentine's day hasn't.

(.)

I love making cards, and presents, and cookies, and cupcakes, and art...I've started already....

(.)

...and this year I just may have someone a little tiny special to me to spend it with...♥

(.)

♥ love for you all ♥

I'm a bridge and you're the water

2009-02-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

I'm emotional again.

I've also been gone a lot, and thus my reader base is diminishing I feel.

I'm sorry.

Autumn took some photos of me for a school project, and I am in love with them...

Also, you should certainly look at her flickr

... because she's fucking amazing.

♥♥♥

This is one for you and for me

2009-01-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

I found this thread on Etsy and I absolutely think that the CPSIA is an outrage! I know it's a lot to read, but please please do it.

The CPSIA stands for Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act, a new set of laws that will come into effect on 10 February, 2009 and will impact many, many people in a negative way. Make no mistake, this is very real. View it for yourself. If Forbes, the American Library Association and numerous other media are paying attention, perhaps you should too.

How will these new laws affect you? Well, here are a few examples:

To the Parents of Young Students:
Due to the new law, expect to see the cost of school supplies sky rocket. While those paper clips weren't originally intended for your student to use, they will need to be tested now that your 11-year-old needs them for his school project. This law applies to any and all school supplies (textbooks, pencils, crayons, paper, etc.) being used by children under 12.

To the Avid Reader:
Due to the new law, all children's books will be pulled from library and school shelves, as there is no exemption for them. That’s okay though, there's always television. Our children don’t need to learn the love of reading after all.
Article from the American Library Association http://www.wo.ala.org/districtdispatch/? p=1322

To the Lover of All Things Handmade:
Due to the new law, you will now be given a cotton ball and an instruction manual so you can make it yourself since that blanket you originally had your eye on for $50 will now cost you around $1,000 after it's passed testing. It won't even be the one-of-a-kind blanket you were hoping for. Items are destroyed in the testing process making one-of-a-kind items virtually impossible. So that gorgeous hand-knit hat you bought your child this past winter won’t be available next winter.

To the Environmentalist:
Due to the new law, all items in non-compliance will now be dumped into our already overflowing landfills. Imagine not just products from the small business owners, but the Big Box Stores as well. You can't sell it so you must toss it. Or be potentially sued for selling it. You can't even give them away. If you are caught, it is still a violation.

To the Second-Hand Shopper:
Due to the new law, you will now need to spend $20 for that brand new pair of jeans for your 2-year old, rather than shop at the Goodwill for second hand. Many resale shops are eliminating children's items all together to avoid future lawsuits.

To the Entrepreneur:
Due to this new law, you will be forced to adhere to strict testing of your unique products or discontinue to make and/or sell them. Small businesses will be likely to be unable to afford the cost of testing and be forced to close up shop. Due to the current economic state, you'll have to hope for the best when it comes to finding a new job in Corporate America.

To the Antique Toy Collector:
Due to the new law, you'd better start buying now because it's all going to private collection and will no longer be available to purchase. “Because the new rules apply retroactively, toys and clothes already on the shelf will have to be thrown out if they aren't certified as safe.” http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123189645948879745.html

To the American Economy:
Already struggling under an economy that hasn’t been this weak in decades, the American economy will be hit harder with the inevitable loss of jobs and revenues from suppliers, small businesses and consumers. The required testing is far too costly and restrictive for small businesses or individuals to undertake.

To the Worldwide Economy:
Due to this new law, many foreign manufacturers have already pulled out of the US market. You can imagine the impact of this on their businesses.

If you think this is exaggerating, here is a recent article from Forbes
http://www.forbes.com/2009/01/16/cpsia-safety-toys-oped-cx_wo_0116olson.html

And for those of you prepared to be stupefied and boggled, The New Law
http://www.cpsc.gov/about/cpsia/cpsia.html

Did you know? If this upsets or alarms you, please react.

When you kill a man you fall down, fall from the grace of god

2009-01-21T22:21:00.000-08:00

This sweater

is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me

and it only cost $1.98.

YEAH BITCHES!!!

p.s. I'll try to think of more creative posts again sometime soon. LOVES!

OBAMA, MOTHERFUCKERS!

2009-01-20T14:35:00.000-08:00

OBAMZ is our NEW PRESIDENT!

Hell. Fucking. Yes.

I made this shirt in honor of his inauguration.

THEN I took lots of angryballz photos of me in it, only I am not angry AT ALL today, just excited and happy.

I'm also wearing jeans. WHENTHEFUCK does that happen??!? Never. Never. BUT I wore them yesterday too:

CRAYZAY

ALSO I love you guys to the maximum amount allowed, and AM REALLY TRULY SORRY that I have not been around much/commenting/telling you how much I fucking LOVE you all. Boys and gin and beer and work and friends and art are taking up all of my time.

BUT DON'T WORRY! I LOVE YOU!!!!

Hobo-glam

2009-01-18T16:36:00.000-08:00

"I wouldn't call your tights slutty...more like trashy"

-my best friend when discussing my outfit

I feel like lovecraft in Brooklyn

2009-01-14T12:23:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm on the brink of something.

I feel like something is going to come gushing out of me any second,

but when I try to make it come it recedes.

This feeling is driving me crazy.

It's like all of my creativity and inspiration and spontaneity and verve are a fiery ball in the middle of me,

but I can't seem to harness it,

I can't seem to make it mine.

It's like I have no focus.

I can't decide what to unleash the fiery ball inside of me onto, into.

Alternately, I feel empty.

I feel like crying,

like sobbing,

but there's nothing to cry about

nothing to sob with.

I feel like all of the tears that I want to cry don't exist, my tear ducts closed and dry.

All I want is to get this all out.

(all photos from here, other than the second to last, which is from here, and the last, which is mine)

Rewind...Rewind...Subtract

2009-01-12T22:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder about what thoughts are made out of.

(.)

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be in love right this second.

(.)

Sometimes I think I am in love right this second.

(I'm sorry, I've forgotten where I found this one...)

Sometimes I have very morbid thoughts.

(.)

Sometimes I think I believe in reincarnation, and in those sometimes I think that I was Marie Antoinette in a past life.

(.)

Sometimes I wonder if passion can be unhealthy.

(.)

Sometimes (actually, all of the time) I wonder how people can worship a god who wants them to be weak and broken all of the time.

(.)

Sometimes I spend far too much money on shoes.

(.)

Sometimes I wonder what it is to be of the universe.

(.)

Sometimes I feel like crying for absolutely no reason.

(.)

Sometimes I wonder why it's ok for people to laugh out loud, outside, in public, but it's not ok for people to cry out loud, outside, in public.

(.)

Sometimes I wish I could live all the lives I could live, and not have to choose any one of them.

(.)

Sometimes I feel like a jumble of nonsensical letters and punctuation marks.

(.)

That's all.

There's a million of you and only a half of me

2009-01-10T12:44:00.000-08:00

What if all of the sudden I forgot all of the names of all of the people I'd ever met?

(.)

How long can one survive on only Vonnegut and cherries?

(.)

What if all of your facial expressions got translated to your feet?

(mine)

How many emotions can a body physically hold before it explodes or becomes more than one body?

(.)

Can a person fall in love with someone they don't know exists?

(.)

If I always lived above the clouds do you think that spf 50 would keep me from getting sunburnt?

(mine)

If the internet didn't exist would everyone be less lonely?

(.)

If everyone in the world only wore flowers would anyone be allergic to them?

(.)

Wouldn't life be so much more fair if people loved beautiful people less easily?

(.)

If snow was actually popcorn would anyone have as much fun skiing?

(mine)

If time could stand still where would you want to be when it did that?

(.)

So damn slow

2009-01-07T13:22:00.000-08:00

Hi my loves.

I'm uninspired.

I even can't think of anything to blog about, which is sad.

Maybe something big will break out of this period of bland nothingness inspiration and creation wise.

But until then I will be scarce around here.

I love you all.

...if only I had ideas growing out of my head like flowers...

(all photos from here)

New Year, New You

2009-01-02T15:53:00.000-08:00

This is late, but happy 2009!

I had a wonderful and gin filled new years eve, and a hung over and silly new years day.

I wore the chiffon dress that I made, but there are really no photos that show the whole thing, so that's sort of sad...

But here are some photos anyway.

I really must do something about my hair...it's getting shaggy and out of control, and I look like my brothers.

I've also not been posting much because I am lacking inspiration in a major way.

I hope it comes back soon...

♥ LOVE LOVE ♥

Truth, not dare

2008-12-28T00:03:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by so many sweethearts it's hard for me to keep them all straight.

If I miss anyone's tag, I do apologize.

I will start with the one from the gorgeous and wonderful Mila, and the drifter and the gypsy...

This is the honest scrap award- a tag where I have to write ten honest things about myself.

2. Sex has given me a much better self image.

(.)

3. I am much more prone to falling in love with men I have no possibility of being with rather than the ones that are obtainable.

(.)

4. I am terrified of the dark.

(.)

5. Sometimes I am terribly vain, and other times I hate the way I look and avoid every mirror in my house.

(.)

6. Sometimes I make really stupid decisions, and choose not to regret them.

(.)

7. I am not afraid of dying, but I am terribly, horribly afraid of being dead.

(sorry- I can't remember the source for this one- it's been on my computer for ages...)

8. One of my wishes in life is to be somebody's muse. I wish, so deeply, to be able to inspire someone purely with the fact of my existence.

(mine)

9. I am terrible at keeping my thoughts to myself. I am an incredibly open person, and probably usually tell people far too much more than they ever wanted to know (see honesty number one...)

(.)

10. I try so hard to believe in fairies.

(again I had this saved to my computer and don't know the source...)

I am passing this award to...

Next is an amazing tag from sweet and beautiful Betsey...

1. go to the fourth folder on your computer where you store your pictures

2. pick the fourth picture in that folder.

3. explain the picture.
4. tag four people to do the same:

This is a polaroid I took while walking from campus to the train station in Bronxville last spring. The garden was just so sunshiny and wonderful I couldn't resist.

And I now tag...

Hannah

Lisa

Autumn

I feel like I have been given another award, or that I am missing some beautiful gift some beautiful blogger has given me...but I cannot seem to find what, so I think this is it.

I love you all, and wish happiness on you.

Autumn in winter

2008-12-24T19:11:00.001-08:00

My friend Autumn is very talented. (she also cuts my hair)

This is some of her art (which is also an excuse to post a lot of photos of me. When I had long hair. A long time ago.):

(she made this one especially for me ♥)

You should look at her blog. And befriend her, because she'll most likely love you. She's that sort of person.

♥ ♥ I love you all ♥ ♥

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T00:54:00.001-08:00

My Christmas-y season has been looking like this...

...tea and gingerbread from the sweetest little cup and saucer given to me as an early Christmas present from my best friend in the universe...

...Christmas parties with sweaters and lots of rum...

...paper snowflakes hung from my kitchen ceiling...

...debuting the sweet chiffon dress I made...

...bare legs despite the two feet of snow outside of my front door...

...and Christmas eve outfits...