Obsessed

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I am fucking obsessed about Lady Gaga. Fucking obsessed.

Everything about her totally appeals to me; her shiny shiny pants, her crazy headdresses, her attitude towards her music, her fucking crazyness.

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She really makes me want to be totally slapdash glam.

Which is entirely possible, I mean, she glued sequins and sparkles onto $3 dollar bras and called it good- even I can do that shit.

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Anyway.

I fucking love her and am sortofreally jealous of her life.

Long Distance Call

Thank you all for your wonderful words. 

You really encouraged me, and things are looking much better now.

I have been enjoying sunshine, and friends, and loves, and listening to electronica and reggae really loudly in the car with the windows down on the way to parties and picnics.

Parties that look like this:

And picnics that look like this:

All I want now is for it to be summer, and to be dressed in this outfit:

Fuck Mondays

(all I am wanting is for my life to be as free and easy as this picture...)

There is a lot of shitty, shitty shit going on in my life right now.

And it's Monday, and it's all piling up on me.

I'm mad, and frustrated, and scared, and I need another fucking job.

I am panicking.

I'm moving to Europe in less than four months and I have a fraction of the money that I need in order for me not to die the second I get there...

UGH.

FUCK.

It's also killing me that my boy and I have less than four months to be together. Who knows if we'll decide to try a long distance relationship (between Germany and Scotland) or if we'll just call it quits in the end of August. But right now it doesn't matter in the least, it just breaks my heart to know that we have an end date- that we don't have forever to have what we have right now.

Sorry to rant....but I miss you guys and I need some words from you all.

I just turned 20 two weeks ago, and I have never felt more unsure and lost in my life.

I'm usually so determined, but now I feel as if I'm floating.

Drifting without aim.

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I cannot be decisive about my future, 

I cannot even be decisive about my present. 

I am frustrated. 

I feel weak.

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But I'm happy too.

It's confusing, conflicting, infuriating.

Perhaps there is just a time to be indecisive, perhaps I am just learning more about myself...

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Things that I would never know were it not for this sort of time.

Perhaps it won't last, although it feels like forever in both directions....

Sun

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It's the first really truly hot and sunny day of spring today.

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I'm sure it's going to get rainy again- this is Oregon after all- but today is just glorious!

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I cannot wait for summer.

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This summer is going to be so good. 

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So, so good.

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Party and Bullshit

Usually when I get emails from companies saying that they just loooove my blog I just delete them, because I'm really not interested in advertising for anyone, and I really am not into the whole consume consume consume thing, but today I got a sweet email from loyale, saying that they thought that I (and my readers!) might be interested in their awesome eco-friendly fashion.

 

This is who they are:

loyale is a fashion-forward, sustainable clothing company that aims to make the simple act of getting dressed in the morning world

changing. in 2005, Jenny Hwa founded loyale to provide eco-chic apparel for women who are equally conscious about fashion as they

are about the environment. the intention of loyale is to inspire activism by designing stylish clothing that is crafted exclusively using sustainable fabrics and to create a shift in consciousness where commerce and compassion for the planet can coexist. 

Pretty fucking sweet, no?

And the clothes are pretty and comfy looking.

They're way out of my price range, buuuuuuuuut the sweeties there said this in their email "On April 22nd, we plan on offering 25% off our site in celebration of Earth Day - we would be happy to extend this deal to your readers."

Also pretty fucking sweet.

Warm sunshine

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Hello my lovelies.

It's feeling springtimey here, and I am so so happy.

Yesterday I spent all day with my best friend and my boy, drinking champagne and eating strawberries and playing in the park and putting flowers in my hair. 

It was wonderfully lovely.

And today it's just as beautiful. I just wish I was in a swing in a tree rather than at a desk in an office...