Thursday, November 13, 2008

Come dance with me

This isn't about fashion anymore is it? Was it ever about fashion? I think I've bared my soul and my heart and my me to the world, but haven't really talked about fashion.

I don't think I like it anymore-fashion. I only like art and love and beauty.
I wish I could articulate the love and beauty and art that is inside me and that I feel. I wish I could articulate it through more than words, more than clothes, more than collages.

Sometimes I feel very untalented, and then I wonder if I'm only a shadow of an artist and not really real. I wonder if I have the soul of a lover but can't really love. I wonder too sometimes if what I do and say makes any difference.

I want to add beauty to the world- but I am unsure if what I am doing counts as adding beauty. Do my words and drawings make anything more beautiful? They do for me at least. I think that's what it comes down to, my little sketches and my forays with glue and chain and jewelry and watercolors make me happy, even if at the same time they are making me feel a little bit inadequate.

Isn't life so beautiful?

It makes me want to be better- life's beauty. It makes me want to be wilder and break more rules and be more beautiful and more crazy and more in love with everyone and everything, and the entire universe is hugging me for it and I can feel it soft and gentle and powerful and unknown. The unknown is beautiful too, maybe more beautiful than the known, and that is what I want, the unknown, the universe. I want to know and unknow everything and everyone, because everything and everyone is knowable and unknowable and both are beautiful. Life is short so I will love everything and everyone in all of their states of knowingness or knownness. And while I do that I won't know anything and I'll forget everything I ever learned other than to love, because I am not done learning how to love,  so I can't forget how to yet.

Maybe that's why love is the only universal truth, because it can never be known entirely, and everyone loves a mystery. Love is the ultimate mystery, and it loves me and I love it for loving me and knowing that I love it's unknowableness.

And most of all I love you because you are beautiful and you make me smile, and smiling makes fear and hate and anger go away, and then we can't be evil, and all we can do is smile and love, and then the entire world will be smiling and loving and forgetting everything it was ever taught except for how to love, because no one can ever teach love and no one can ever learn it.
And so I love you.