Tuesday, October 20, 2009

a declaration

(a sign I hung on my wall, to remind me every morning that I am living)

Inspired entirely by Sara

I am a dreamer, a weaver of light and words, I am a creator, a destroyer, I am my own god(dess). I am a lover, I am a hater. I am someone for whom openness is a necessity, and for whom openness is a task of unthinkable weight and difficulty. I am a conundrum. I am emotional and stoic, I am individual. I am individual but I am, in my entirety, a product. I am afraid. I am more brave than words can ever say. I am forgiving, but I can't always forget. I am uncomfortable being me sometimes, most of the time I revel in it.

I am twenty years old. I am entirely young, I am as old as the sky. I am living my life to my standards, not yours. I respect the years I've lived, and I regret nothing. I am afraid of death. I am disillusioned with my peers, disillusioned with my government, and disillusioned with the illusions of this world. But I am hopeful. I want more than to be a nameless face in a sea of nameless faces. I want to create ripples in the time I have on this earth, which is short. I want to change people and things. I want to love more openly, I want to communicate more freely, I want to be myself more fully. I want to learn all I can, teach all I can, share and give all I can. I want to see everything. I may never get another chance to see this world. I want to expand my horizons of thought. I want to be remembered.

Money makes me cringe. Money also makes me think. Money makes the world go round, they say. I say it's not money but love that makes the world go round. Money convolutes things. Money is power, and I reject that. I am a rebel, and I have my causes.

I am the daughter of polar opposites, and thus I have no middle. I am the direct product of two immensely strong, and flawed individuals, and the indirect product of everyone I've ever known. I am the product of a bad school system, a group of phenomenal teachers, a rejected religious experience. I am completely and entirely me.

I am more than the pale color of my skin in winter, more than the gold of it in summer. I am more than the blue of my eyes and brown of my hair, I am more than the five feet nine inches at which I stand when I am in bare feet. I am more than my body, more than I appear, however I love this body I am. I am a beautiful body of light and dark and wisdom and foolishness, experience and naïveté. I am fluid, like a body of water, reflecting some things, absorbing others.

I am purely and totally me, which may or may not be composed of parts of you.